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| Last but certainly not least, I'm honored to introduce our final interview guest of 2022, Dr. Edith Eger. As a Holocaust survivor turned clinical psychologist, Eger uses her learnings to highlight the power of forgiveness on self-healing. From best-selling books to masterclasses, her work helps people lead full lives by moving beyond their problems, no matter how insurmountable they believe them to be. |
| Grab some tissues, and prepare for what might be our most moving Q&A to date. Below, Eger shares stories of surviving Auschwitz, overcoming her mental prison, and words of wisdom on how you can use forgiveness to heal, too. |
| This interview has been edited for length and clarity. |
| Q: | As a Holocaust survivor, you've been vocal about how the worst prison you've experienced isn't the one that Nazis put you in but the one you created for yourself within your own mind. How did you free yourself? | |
| A: Each moment in Auschwitz was hell on Earth. It was also my best classroom. Subjected to loss, torture, starvation, and the constant threat of death, I discovered the tools for survival and freedom that I continue to use every day in my clinical psychology practice as well as in my own life. |
| The foundation of freedom is the power to choose. During this time, there was very little I could choose. I couldn't control how many people the Nazis had shoved into the cattle cars or crematoria, trying to exterminate as many Jews and "undesirables" as they could before the end of the war. I couldn't alter the systematic dehumanization or slaughter of the over 6 million innocents who died in the camps. |
| All I could do was decide how to respond to terror and hopelessness. Somehow, I found it within myself to choose hope. |
| Q: | How can other folks who feel mentally or emotionally imprisoned do the same? | |
| A: Although our lives have probably been very different, you can likely relate to this. Many of us experience feeling trapped in our minds. Our thoughts and beliefs determine –– and often limit –– how we feel, what we do, and what we think is possible. When we realize this, then we can begin to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life. |
| You have the choice to be free. You can learn to accept who you are and forgive yourself for ways the past has limited you. In this way, you can face the future as a responsible and compassionate adult. |
| Q: | How has leaning into this practice of forgiveness despite your experiences impacted your health and life? | |
| A: For many years, I had tremendous problems with anger. It controlled me and deeply impacted my family. I wasn't looking at the real cause of my anger –– what I had stuffed down to try and forget. I realized I had to stop running away from the horrors of my past. In this way, I could actually find forgiveness and freedom. |
| I discovered that there is no forgiveness without rage. And that I could express this in a healthy, responsible way [and] not have it spill over [into] my relationship with my husband and my children. |
| Forgiveness isn't about letting someone "off the hook." It isn't something we do for the person who's hurt us. Forgiveness is something I do for myself and to myself. In this way, I'm taking care of my mental health. |
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| Q: | What are some small tips or lifestyle changes that folks can start doing *today* to learn to forgive and, by effect, improve their life? | |
| A: Ask yourself if you're ready to forgive. Think of a person who has wronged or harmed you. Do any of these statements ring true? What she did was unforgivable. He hasn't earned my forgiveness. I'll forgive once there's justice, an apology, or acknowledgment. |
| If so, you're likely spending energy being against someone, rather than being for yourself and the life you deserve. |
Acknowledge and release rage. Make a rage date with yourself. If the idea of being angry is too terrifying to face alone, ask a trusted friend or therapist to help you. Legitimize your anger, then choose a way to channel and then dissolve it. Find a safe place away from others, then:
- scream and yell
- punch a pillow
- bang the ground with a stick
- break plates on the patio
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| Notice how you feel after you've released the anger and the rage. In a day or a week, do it again. |
| Forgive yourself. If I'm having trouble releasing past hurts and traumas, it may be that I'm holding on to guilt or shame or self-judgment. Take out photos of yourself as a baby or child, and really look at them. Notice your innocence, your freedom, your passion for life. Imagine you're holding yourself as a precious baby in your arms. Say, "I'm here. I live for you. I love you." Say whatever else you need that younger version of you to hear. |
| Q: | How do you feel forgiveness can play a role during the holiday season, especially as drama and conflict may arise or cause stress and tension between families? | |
| A: This time of year may force you to confront people and places that caused you pain. Instead of seeing this as a crisis, see it as an opportunity — a chance to see the experience for what it was to you, release anger, work through the feelings, and find a new peace and freedom. |
| If you know that you're going to see people with whom you may have had challenging experiences, think about what you want that relationship to be. Imagine the ideal version of your interaction with them over the holidays. Move toward that in your heart while accepting that you may not get it. |
| You can't control how they act, but you can control your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Maybe you can commit to being calm, being patient, and finding some personal time away from others to process the experiences as they come up, rather than letting them spill out. |
| Remember, this is your life. You get to choose how you want to live it. |
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