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I Was Last

Week of 10/19/2017 - Featured Blog Post

I Was Last

MASTERCARE

Yesterday, I did my first K anything and it was a 10K . I have been looking forward to doing this. I was anxious, excited and also afraid I would be last.

The Brooksie Way is in its 10th year and takes place at Oakland University in Rochester Hills. Two friends came from Buffalo, New York to participate as well. (I met Vicki on SparkPeople! This was our second time meeting in person.) Sunday morning I felt such a wave of emotions. The Brookie Way consists of the Half Marathon, the 10K and the 5K. Just before they let our wave go out, I almost cried. Vicki couldn't do the 10K due a back injury, but she was a true SparkFriend and rooted us on. I told Cheryl I could not keep up with her and didn't want to hold her back. She stayed for about 5 minutes and at the first bend in the road she was off!

I was on my own. I felt exhilarated. I could not believe the amount of people along the course with cow bells and even a bag piper. I could do this. I could not stop smiling!

Many people passed me. I did not care. Groups came and went. I did not care. I was a part of something special. When I got to a fork in the road, I found many people were changing their minds due to the heat and doing a 5K instead of 10. I hesitated. Should I? I am use to heat at work and I had trained for this. I signed up for this. I wanted that 10K medal. That accomplishment. I stayed on my course.

I am not sure when I realized that no one was in front of me anymore. I turned around, and no one was behind me either. I kept walking. At mile 4 there was a water station. The group of volunteers were cheering me on. I thanked them. They told me I was the last one.and no one was behind me. I looked back and saw a police van taking away the cones I had passed earlier. I started to feel stupid. I continued on and could hear them chant my name, encouraging me to go.

Mile 5, I wanted to cheat. There was a turnaround ahead. Instead of going down and then turning around and heading back to make a left, I almost went right instead, but it would have been cheating, so I didn't. From mile 5 was a steep hill before flat land to the finish line. The police picked up the last of the cones and drove on by. I stopped half way up that hill. I thought about laying down on the side of the road but I went on. I finally saw the finish line. Now I could barely walk. I was so hot and the front of my legs were killing me from the hills but I did smile once I hit the finish line. I got my medal. I cannot tell you the pride I felt.

That night the results came out. I was last- very much so. I knew I was, but to see it in print was too overwhelming and I lost it. Why is that? I felt so ashamed. I think in all honesty, there is still that inner voice inside us that make us human, the voice that still doubts us that we are good enough. I focused on what I should not have.

I did the 10K, while many switched to the 5K instead.

I didn't cheat, and I could have.

I did finish.

I kept on. I did.

I never gave up.

I will do more 10Ks and 5Ks.

Will I be last? Well, we know that could happen. But will I finish?

Yes. I will never give up, and to me, that defines life.

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