🎶 All by myseeeelf 🎶
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| | | | | In my 20s, I was your quintessential New York City social butterfly. I fluttered around the city 3 to 4 days a week. I had at least three different friend groups I could hang out with depending on what activity I was in the mood for. | | Then I hit my 30s, and I wanted to be more thoughtful about how I spent my time, energy, and money. Now, I have only two close friend groups and try my very best to only go out once or twice a week, usually on a Friday or Saturday (ideally not both). | | Is that enough? Do I need to make more of an effort to be more social? I'm torn on this topic and would very much like to hear what you have to say. Read my thoughts below, then (please!) chime in to share yours. | | | | | | | Interested to hear your opinions.
Kenny Thapoung
Managing Newsletter Editor, Healthline |  | | Written by Kenny Thapoung
April 18, 2025 • 3 min read | | | | | | | |
| |  | | | What's the right amount of alone time? | | "Kenny, you don't like hanging out." | | I hear this very often. My friends and I have a group chat that is strictly for planning social activities (movies, dinners, concerts). We even have a list of rules (no small talk, no ghosting mid-conversation) that everyone must abide by. | | As you can probably tell from everything I've written so far, I'm not an active participant. I love my friends, but I need plenty of alone time. This is by choice. Setting boundaries to make space for myself helps me decompress from any stressors or chaos life throws my way. | | I recognize that not everyone can choose to spend so much time alone. Parents, caretakers, and others have a much harder time carving out space for themselves. But I think we can all agree that alone time is necessary for so many reasons. How much time we should allocate to spend by ourselves is a subjective, self-reflective question. | | For me, when I have to decide between being by myself or interacting with people, typically, I'll weigh the following: | - When was the last time I saw this person (or people) face to face?
- How many days this week have I been alone already?
- Am I interested in the suggested activity?
- Will seeing these people make me happy?
| Even if all signs point to "go meet up," I might still turn down a hangout — laziness and budgeting are two common excuses. And this is where I get into my head a bit. Once in a while, I'll find myself wondering if I'm choosing to spend too much time alone. This is how my mental gymnastics work: - Week 1 (Monday to Sunday): See friends on Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.
"I saw people three times in a week! That means I earned a week off next week." - Week 2: Kenny alone time, errands, hobbies.
- Week 3: See friends only on Friday.
- Week 4: Kenny alone time again.
| | If that was an actual month, I would've been alone for all but 4 days of it. That's ... a lot of Kenny time. However, I don't feel lonely. Sometimes I may get bored, but that feeling never lasts long — there's so much TV and reading I can catch up on. Personally, I think I have the appropriate amount of alone time, however, my friends would likely disagree. And their perception is what gives me mild anxiety — that they'll stop inviting me to places (which is understandable) and our relationship will suffer. | | I would really appreciate hearing your perspective. How do you define the right balance of alone and social time? How do you make sure your social circle understands your boundaries? Am I in my head over nothing? Probably. Reach out to me at wellnesswire@healthline.com, and let's chat! Just a heads up: We may feature your comments in an upcoming newsletter! | | | | | | | | | | Relief is here | | | | | | |  | | Join Healthline's Anxiety & Depression Newsletter | | Everyone has their own methods of taking care of their mental health. But sometimes, we could use a little extra support during those low moments. Our Anxiety & Depression newsletter shares a variety of resources — from expert-driven advice to relatable perspectives. Sign up below and receive a personalized email tailored to your needs and interests. | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | How did you feel about this newsletter? | | | | Email wellnesswire@healthline.com with comments related to this newsletter or topics you'd like to see in future editions. The newsletter editors read every message that lands in our inbox — yes, really! We look forward to hearing from you. | | | | | | |
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